May 23, 2019
How often do you undervalue yourself? What is not often clear is that our own sense of value, our self-worth comes from our very core. It’s about our inherent belief we have around our value. However, it also sets the standard for how others value us. How family, friends, relationships value us often comes from the messages we give out and the value we have of ourselves. So, what can you do to value yourself more?
We all have some sort of value to offer. Yes, we do. Even if you’re reading this and dismissing it. We all have a value. Even if you’re thinking “isn’t it a bit boastful or bigheaded?” Well, no. It’s about being realistic about who you are and what you offer. That’s what I mean when I say it comes from your core. It has to come from inside you.
If you look at external recognition and validation for the value you offer in any situation then you’re going to get a mixed response – because we’re all different. One person can tell you you’re amazing and great and another person will think that thing is only mediocre! Ouch!
Maybe you’ve been fixing your value on what you earn, on your income, on the flashy car, on getting approval from someone or even the number of likes / shares / comments on social media. (I know we see this a lot with teens, but it doesn’t always stop there does it).
When we recognise our faults, we know we’re not perfect but then we also know areas to develop and work on. That’s a good thing.
Here's 5 ways you can start to value yourself more.
Be Kind to Yourself
By this I mean that we forgive ourselves for mistakes and struggles. It’s easy to get things wrong, to forget things, to get cross with the kids. But if you beat yourself up and go back over things for days, you’re focusing on the negatives and mistakes you’ll be punishing yourself for days. Be kind and accepting of yourself.
Listen in for the example I gave about changing perspective on a mistake and what I did with my daughter so she didn't beat herself up.
Also, don’t put yourself down. If you’re someone who says “I’m just xyz” when asked what you do. Please stop. You are not "just" anything – you are a unique, valuable, and wonderful human being who matters.
Put Yourself First
Well, at least put yourself higher up your list of priorities. It’s a bit like the old oxygen mask scenario isn’t it. If you don’t put your oxygen mask on, you won’t be around to help others. This is something I’ve talked with clients a lot this past week. Sometimes you have to recognise that you need sleep / food / time out otherwise those other things just won’t happen! So you put a value on you – whether you’re the lynchpin, the organiser, the calmer-down, the one who delivers. If you’re not well, none of that stuff will happen.
Stop the comparisons
Gosh this is such a destructive way to be yet so many people do this. In my work I see and hear lots of others who would appear to have a great job, fabulous business, some other things that we might admire but it’s not always the be-all. The thing is that you only get to see what they want them to see.
I’ve worked with WAGs, millionaires, senior businessmen, musicians oh the list goes on. All would appear to ‘have’ the idyllic life. Let me tell you that there was a reason they came to work with me and it wasn’t because life was rosey. It can be a tough one, but really work on accepting yourself for who you are.
Celebrate Your Successes
This is not about boasting and oversharing. This is about getting real honest, decent feedback from people around you that you respect. When we get used to sharing the good positive achievements, we also are able to get validation about our value, our contribution. Remind yourself of the things you’ve achieved. Keep a notebook if necessary so you can look back through if times are tough or if you need help remembering. If someone pays you a compliment, say thank you. However uncomfortable you might feel. Practice saying thank you.
Do Your Development
There are lots of ways you can increase your development. This blog and The Business Balance Podcast is one way! So well done for tuning in or reading. Even better if you’re taking action.
One of my business buddies talked the other day about listening to podcasts and writing notes. That’s awesome. But there are blogs, books, videos all sorts of things you can do to increase your development. You might want to develop your fitness, develop a skill – they don’t all have to be work related.
If you’d like to talk about how to increase your value, confidence, self belief or reduce the stress, doubt or overwhelm then I’ve got just two spaces right now for 1:1 clients. Book your call here to talk about what’s going on with you and let see if we’re the right fit for each other.
To finish I’d like to say a thank you to those who have left a review of this podcast on i-tunes. If you want to get yours read out then go over and leave me a review.